December 2006 entries

Friday, December 29, 2006 6:42 PM CST

TODAY HAS BEEN THE WORST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. EVEN WORSE THAN YESTERDAY WHEN DR. WILLIAMS CALLED. MY MIND HAS BEEN GOING A HUNDRED MILE AN HOUR, I KEEP THINKING OF EVERYTHING MY FAMILY IS ABOUT TO GO THROUGH. I AM SO SCARED. IF I CAN JUST MAKE IT THROUGH TODAY I KNOW I CAN PULL MY SELF TOGETHER. I KNOW I HAVE TO BE STRONG FOR ALICIA, I KNOW I AM HER CRUTCH AND IF I CRUMBLE SHE WILL HAVE NO ONE TO LEAN ON. THIS IS JUST ALL SO HARD FOR ME TO TAKE IN, I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS SO SOON.

ERIKA IS HAVING A HARD TIME DEALING WITH THIS ALSO. SHE FEELS SHE HAS TO CHOOSE BETWEEN BOTH OF HER CHILDREN. HER BABY IS DUE ABOUT THE SAME TIME ALICIA WILL BE GOING TO TRANSPLANT PROBABLY AND THEY TOLD ME TODAY THAT THE BABY WOULD NOT BE ALLOWED ON THE TRANSPLANT FLOOR. THEY SAID THEY ARE UNDER LOCK DOWN DURING THE WINTER BECAUSE OF VIRUSES. WE TALK ALOT LAST NIGHT ABOUT IT AND WE BOTH DECIDED IT WOULD BE BEST IF ERIKA SIGNED GUARDIAN SHIP OF ALICIA TO ME DURING THE TRANSPLANT SO I WOULD HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO MAKE ANY DECISIONS ON HER BEHALF. ERIKA IS GOING TO COME EVERY OTHER WEEK AND THE BABY CAN STAY HERE WITH MY SISTER DENISE. HOPEFULLY WE WILL FIND SOME WAY TO AFFORD TO FLY ERIKA SO MUCH.

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE FOR ALL THE SUPPORT IM GETTING. ( AND A EXTRA THANKS TO KRISSTINA, YOU ARE HELPING ME SO MUCH I TRUELLY APPRICIATE IT)


GRANDMA MICHELLE

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Thursday, December 28, 2006 8:45 PM CST

Sorry I haven't updated in so long. We got Alicia's results today from the biopsy she had on December 20th and they weren't good.

I knew when I answered the phone and it was Dr. Williams that it had to be bad. He said they still detected abnormal monosomy seven and that he also got a report from a Pathologist here in Kansas that said her Blast cell count was high and he was having the slides sent to him to confirm it and do another biopsy in a month and if it was the same then she had to go to transplant.

I am so scared. She is my very best friend. I had such high hopes that her results would come back better but they didn't. Dr. Williams said they were going to start right away to search for a donor for Alicia. He did say that they found three possible matches in the blood cord bank.

This is very upsetting to me so I will update after I find out more.

If Alicia has to go to transplant after her biopsy next month that is when her mom Erika is due to have her little brother. This is all so hard.

Grandma Michelle